Absolute Travisde

Close Encounters Of The Third Degree Kind
Current mood:  pensive
Category: Life

so i’m taking a break from all this…divulging. of information. There’s only so much that words can say, anyway, and when you’re drawn to someone- when you’re drawn to telling them things- when you’re friends- sometimes it’s best to leave all those assumptions to do what they will- and leave what is left to sort itself out. Everybody has dreams. Everybody has more than one. And everybody has reality- letting in varying degrees of what’s keeping them alive- what fuels them. And that changes and shifts- I get that.

Sometimes your dream becomes your reality- which then keeps you from your dream- then becomes your dream again. We’re all shifting and breathing and moving with what every day brings us. A barely cohesive gathering of electrons and protons, so hard to know where one thing stops and another starts. The most crazy accident called life, and it’s somehow only a miracle when we see that it is? For some of us existence is miracle enough. And for some of us- the miracle is inseparable from the drive- the dream- the fuel. and without it- you don’t exist.

i need the dream. I’m always looking for it. I set my sights on something..far removed. untenable. un-have-able. safe. cool and constant like the moon and stars, but capable of setting me on fire just the same. Anyway- shouldn’t your North Star be something you can’t so readily reach out and grasp? Always guiding you home. You never really lose your bearings completely. Then there are those few times a year- it shines so brightly that you can’t see anything else. And you wouldn’t want to. And you almost could- you’re about to- it’s headed right for you- intended target or not- you’re in it’s path, and you just. can’t. move. and it’s unreal. and you know it’s unreal. and that it’s gonna burn the hell out of your hands, not to mention what it will do to your heart. and your life? if you have one left once you’re hit but you don’t care. You step forward, like an idiot, arms held out, like on Close Encounters… to make contact.

Or maybe you stay home and clean up the mashed potatoes.

So yeah- life is much better at the 16 month range…
Current mood:  curious
Category: Life

Wow. I was just reading back on some of my old entries- phew. Some of them sound pret-tee scary. But living far from friends & family AND having a baby is some pretty extreme living. Especially when Nate was in Germany for two week stints. It can be your own personal “Survivor”- except those silly nitwits have the luxury of a whole cast of other nitwits to nitpick and argue with. When he WAS in the counrty- and also not in MI for meetings at u.s. headquarters- I had about an hour or so of Nate a day- and usually I’d run, flee, leap out of the house to do the shopping- to do anything…to take full advantage of having someone else who is capable, who I trust, with my daughter. Because she’s his daughter, too. oh- and i had to use part of that hour to shower. and make dinner. and blog.

That was craziness!

So glad that part is over. Now I have 2,3,sometimes FOUR hours at night when he is home- and I am not trying to sleep- it’s an eternity compared to our life five months ago.

And i can’t believe I started planning to go this show in July- and it’s happening in a week- and I STILL couldn’t scrape up anyone willing to drive down to Ohio. Wow. That, my friends, IS kind of pathetic. oh well. I must be meant to go alone- i might even (gasp) talk to people there and maybe even meet some people who live down here! I actually hate meeting brand new people. When I’m the one nobody knows. I was that kid you’d see on the playground with her mom having to physically PUSH her toward the other kids. “go make friends”. “what? no!!” then in a totally forced mumble :”..himyname’sDebbie do you wannaplay.” that’ll be me at this show. only with different words. haha!

Nate suggested i pick up a ticket- i vote no- it says $8 ticket or door. They’re expecting NO ONE to be there, apparently. Maybe it will be just him, and me. ha. That would be just fine, actually. And it’s ok with nate- so long as i’m reachable by phone. haha. bc Jonathan Richman is just too charming.

OK- i know it’s Friday and all- but this is still waaaay too late to be up. Lady Miss MadHob does not sleep in on weekends. (if you’re reading- thx for her nickname, J-Mo.) (Oh, that’s right. I DID just J-Lo yer name.)

And if you’re anyone else- thx for checking in with me.

It’s kinda like I virtually have friends.

haha.

       

Another Survey. Feel free to ignore… : )
Current mood:  animated
Category: Quiz/Survey

……20 Random Questions……..What do you think of when i say “banana?”:….baby food…….

.Do you like pancakes?:….of course!
……..Have you ever eaten sushi?:….not the raw fish- but every other kind - yummmm…..

Have you ever sat on your roof?:….not MY roof- but other roofs. I fancied a gin & tonic picnic on top of Morrill Hall.

……..Are you a sports fan?:….no, not sorry ……..

Have you ever broken a bone?:….yes……..my wrist in a car accident. I got out and asked passing cars to tell my work “I’d be late…”

What is your favorite number:….not sure ……..

Would you jump from a tree for $15?:….depends on how high the tree is.
……..How high have you ever counted?:….not sure..

What are you gonna do on your 21st birthday?:….what DID I do.. I think I sat, sober, on a bench in town and watched the nightlife happen without me.

Do you drink water daily:….yes.
……..What color is your house:….gray with navy trim.
……..If you have an iPod, what color is it?:….My iPod, much like my frisbee throwing unicorn Carl who speaks Farzi, is non-existant.

……..Do you use headphones?:….yes. i like the big ones that are nice and LOUD!
……..Have you ever blown up a fish?:….no

Have you ever gotten motion sickness?  yes……..

What is the nearest food right now?:….honey roasted peanuts.
……..Have people ever made fun of your house?:….what? ……..

Do you like Justin Timberlake:….I don’t know him- but he seems like a nice person . And he may have potential- I mean- look how bright Sean Penn ended up in spite of having started out as Spicolli, then marrying(yuck), then leaving (yay!)  Madonna… you just never know…OH- and JT was really very funny on SNL.. especially as the Target clerk. Wow. Didn’t know I had so much to say about Justin Timberlake!!

What is your favorite kind of battery?:….the ones that almost never need recharging ……..Take this survey | Find more surveys
Bzoink – The Original Survey Site……….style..=”visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;” border=0 width=0 height=0 src=”http://counters. gigya.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF – The Survey
Name: Deborah X XXXXXXX 

Birthday: June 16 1970
Birthplace: Detroit, Michigan
Current Location: Clayton, OH
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: brown, blonde, red, all of the above.

Height: 5′8″
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Handed
Your Heritage: hmm… English, Irish, Welsh, German, French Canadian.. and who knows what else…
The Shoes You Wore Today: flip flops

Your Weakness: certain people? haa haa. good answer.
Your Fears: death.  my baby being sick.

Your Perfect Pizza:  extra sauce, some kind of healthy crust, light cheese, and lots of toppings. artichokes, salmonella-free tomatoes, onion.. just about everything that will fit.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Lose weight. gain muscle. I better get to work!

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: i don’t use instant messenger
Thoughts First Waking Up: Is the baby up? what day is it?
Your Best Physical Feature:  gosh- i don’t know. those questions just make me uncomfortable- since i’m thinking.. “least flawed”….
Your Bedtime: 10 ish
Your Most Missed Memory:  hiking by the ocean in Pt Reyes. I don’t miss the memory, though- i even know where i keep it!
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Subway

Single or Group Dates: ?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: both
Do you Smoke: not anymore

Do you Swear: f@%$ yeah!

Do you Sing: i try
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: When have I NOT been in love?! I’m a certified fool. AND an idiot. for sure.
Do you want to go to College: i’d love to get my master’s

Do you want to get Married: done. 
Do you believe in yourself: I believe I exist. But I may be wrong…

Do you get Motion Sickness: i have
Do you think you are Attractive: god no. But I’ve attracted people before. Must be my Jedi mind-powers.
Are you a Health Freak: no. i should be.

Do you get along with your Parents: he he. Let’s keep this conversation polite and simple. No- i guess I do.

Do you like Thunderstorms: Without a doubt. 
Do you play an Instrument: no, i wish I did. 
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes
In the past month have you Smoked: no.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No
In the past month have you gone on a Date: No . I think it’s been a year or more.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no
In the past month have you been on Stage: no
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: Yes.
Ever been Beaten up: Yes! I had to pull my lower lip off of my braces! 
Ever Shoplifted: many, many years ago
How do you want to Die: I don’t.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: awesome . great answer! I’m stealing it. I’m shoplifting your answer.
What country would you most like to Visit: country? Czech Republic

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: blue. brown. green. “I don’t care about the color of your eyes it’s just the glance I noticed.” -Dave Wakeling

Favourite Hair Color:  dark. never blonde, really. Nate’s the exception- he used to be blonde- as a kid.
Short or Long Hair: I guess no Fabio-length manes. eck. or Tim Robbins in High Fidelity- with his ponytail and lots and lots of rings- ewww. 
Height: Tall is nice. But a girl can’t always have everything! If somebody loves you- does it reeeally matter if they’re a little shorter than you?!

Weight: something reasonable. not twice, or half, my weight.

Best Clothing Style: what are my choices?
Number of Drugs I have taken: of different drugs? including prescription when unnecesary? 3, i think. no…4. one of them accidental. and awful.
Number of CDs I own: too many
Number of Piercings: 2. one in each ear.
Number of Tattoos: none.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: these things can’t be numbered! I can barely decide which things they are… they’ve all led me to here- and , well, I’m just happy to be alive and have my little girl!!